I Still Hate the Olympics

As I wrote last month: “I hate the Olympics.  I hate everything about them… their show-casing of murderous authoritarian regimes, their graft and corruption, their promotion of obscure sports that generate little genuine interest, their hypocritical claim of being non-commercial and non-political, their subordination of athletic excellence to soap-opera story-telling… everything.”

I can tell from the Twitter blather that Team USA must have won something in hockey that some people are excited about.  While I still hate the Olympics I find some of the comic responses to the Olympics and Team USA’s victory hilarious.

David Malki does a brilliant job of mocking the predictable soap opera Olympic narratives with “better Olympic narratives” from him and some of his friends.  Here is a taste:

better olympic narratives • needs pure gold from medal to save dying spouse • in curling contest for immortal soul • skis are actually feet

Ineffectual attempt to get divorced parents back together  • Chasing dream of starring in local furniture store commercial in ten years

better olympic narratives • actually snowboarding to save community center from developers • little white lie on first date has gone too far

better olympic narratives • back half of horse costume took a wrong turn • deep undercover narcotics agent • trying to outski her past

Lost hunter accidentally wins biathlon.  • Training for Gymkata II: This Time It’s In Snow?

• country ceased to exist mid-ski jump à la Tom Hanks in The Terminal

Believes winning gold medal will lead to an audience with Zeus

 blindly following guy who keeps getting into bobsleds

dying father made her promise to never enter the olympics; hates dying father.


And then @JoshGreenman mocks the hyper-patriotism of the reaction to Team USA’s hockey victory by posting these wonderfully ironic paintings from Etsy

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Bill Clinton 3D HQ 24x36" EPIC SIZED Limited print

(HT Greg)


One Response to I Still Hate the Olympics

  1. Greg Forster says:

    I love so many of these (lots more great ones at his blog!) but nothing beats “skis are actually feet.”

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