Starbucks Bailout Needed

November 11, 2008

After experiencing a 97% decline in profit and an 8% drop in same store sales, Starbucks should also get in line for a federal bailout.  The collapse of Starbucks would pose a “systemic” risk to the economy.  Caffeine-deprived workers would fuel a spiraling decline in productivity.  Withdrawal headaches would spark fights in the streets, family disintegration, and general grumpiness.

And let’s not forget the baristas who risk losing their jobs.  Remember that Seattle was built by baristas who passed the tradition from father to son.  Do we want to turn Seattle into another Flint, Michigan?  Besides, how can we retrain them for other work that would still permit their goatees, piercings, and tattoos?